


I love halloween! (but I love you more)

by explodingsnapple



Series: Cheers to the 99th Precinct! [5]
Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Episode: s03e05 Halloween III, Episode: s06e16 Cinco de Mayo, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-11
Updated: 2019-05-11
Packaged: 2020-03-01 02:36:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18791272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/explodingsnapple/pseuds/explodingsnapple
Summary: "I’m sure you didn’t mean to, especially since Holt put you up to it, but I just got around to feeling joy at the idea of kids, so when that was taken away–” he trails off, shrugging again.(Post-6x16)





	I love halloween! (but I love you more)

_November 1, 2015_

It’s three in the morning and the rest of the squad have long since gone home, but Amy and Jake are still sitting in Shaw’s, sipping beers and chatting like they’ve done every Halloween for the past two years. The only difference is that now, their fingers are freely interlocked over the table, and they’re openly grinning at each other with slightly nauseating smiles. Also, the Crown of Destiny isn’t on Jake’s or Holt’s head, but on Amy’s.

“I still can’t believe you fooled us all like that,” Jake says, eyeing the light bouncing off of its jewels. “Who knew you had it in you?”

Amy’s stomach suddenly clenches. She looks down, and, almost involuntarily, untangles her hand from Jake’s and starts nervously twirling her hair around her fingers, her other hand still tightly gripped around her beer bottle.

Despite having been in the bar for a few hours, neither of them are particularly tipsy. Regardless, a part of Amy’s brain (which is usually responsible for controlling her four-drink urges) still sends off a warning signal for what’s about to come spilling out of her mouth. Amy ignores it – if she doesn’t say this now, she’ll definitely regret it later.

“Yeah. Actually, Jake, that’s something I wanted to talk to you about,” she says quietly, and Jake looks at her, his brow furrowed – her tone is much more serious than what he was probably expecting.

Slowly, she looks into his eyes. “I just – I just didn’t really like what happened today, when both you and Holt didn’t trust me enough to let me take part in what’s supposed to be a ‘fun’ game, and, honestly, everything you guys pulled today really irritated me,” she blurts out quickly.

Jake lets out a slow, deep breath. For a brief second, Amy’s afraid he’s offended or mad. After a few moments, though, Jake closes his eyes and shakes his head, sitting up straight and taking her hand.

“Ames, I’m sorry. The proposal thing was honestly a spur-of-the-moment decision; I wasn’t really thinking straight and just got too caught-up in the Heist,” he says.

Suddenly, more words come tumbling out of Amy’s mouth. “It’s not just about that, though. I felt very disrespected and manipulated – not just by you, but by Holt too. I mean, the fact you guys thought I wouldn’t be able to make my own decisions because of my feelings for you and my admiration for him…it’s scary for me to be in that situation.”

Amy averts her gaze to watch another couple play darts on the other side of the room, and continues, “I grew up with seven brothers. They always, always saw me as the weakest, the most easily manipulated. Whenever they wanted something from me, they would try to ‘bribe’ me with hair accessories, the latest Barbie doll, or my mom’s makeup. That’s kind of what your ‘proposal’ was like today, and it was demeaning.” She turns to look back at Jake, waiting for him to respond.

He sighs, running a hand through his curls. “It was wrong, and I shouldn’t have done it. I just hate losing at anything, and sometimes, I act without thinking. I mean, you know that already. I’m still learning how to…balance that with not being a shitty person, I guess. I’m sorry,” he says.

Amy squeezes his hand. “You’re not a shitty person, Jake. Don’t say that. Everyone does things that they regret later. I just wanted to tell you how I was feeling, in case you didn’t realize it yourself; that’s why I brought it up.” She smiles at him softly.

“You’re sure we’re good?” Jake asks.

“Yeah, we’re good. Let’s get out of here, go back to my place, and watch Die Hard and eat candy.”

“Die Hard? And it’s not even Christmas? Yes!” Jake squeals.

 

* * *

 

_May 5, 2019_

Once again, long after their coworkers have left, Jake and Amy are still at Shaw’s. Once again, they’re giggling over some stupid joke, holding hands over the table. This time, the only change between this year and last is that they both have wedding bands on their ring fingers, glinting under the dim light above them.

This time, however, they actually finish their drinks (although again, neither of them are anywhere near drunk). When Jake orders them two more beers, Amy grins, saying, “Y’know, I’m glad I’m not actually pregnant. If I was, we wouldn’t have an excuse to hang out here for this long.”

Unexpectedly, Jake’s eyes fall a little, and his smile becomes rather fixed. Confused, Amy starts replaying the day’s events in her mind, and the euphoria she felt when she walked into the bar earlier is quickly replaced by overwhelming guilt. He avoids her gaze as he takes another sip of his drink, and Amy immediately wants to stuff her words back into her mouth.

_(she remembers the two of them here three years ago, sitting at this very same table, her expression matching the one her husband wears now.)_

“Oh, Jake,” she murmurs, then pauses. This is the second time in less than a month that she’s had to apologize for something like this, so it’s extremely important that she gets her words out correctly. “Jake, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done what I did today, with the pregnancy thing. It wasn’t cool,” she says, her voice quivering slightly.

_(she remembers her gut twisting in the same way it is now, but for the exact opposite reason.)_

After what feels like an eternity, Jake finally looks up, but for someone who normally wears his heart on his sleeve, his gaze is impossible to read. He smiles nonchalantly and shrugs. “It’s cool. We all get crazy during the Heist. Totally didn’t bother me, nope.”

“Are you sure?” Amy prompts. She recognizes his words as a classic case of Jake Compartmentalizing, and if he needs to get something off of his chest, it’s best he does it sooner rather than later.

_(she remembers the unplanned words tumbling out of her as she stared at the dartboard at the back of the room, and the feeling of relief that came with them.)_

“I mean, I dunno. I’m not necessarily mad, or anything, but I did feel like – I mean, it’s not cool to mess with my emotions like that, and I’m sure you didn’t mean to, especially since Holt put you up to it, but I just got around to feeling joy at the idea of kids, so when that was taken away–” he trails off, shrugging again.

_(she remembers the temporary anger in her chest, the panic that rose when she thought her boyfriend might also see her as her brothers did – exploitable and naive.)_

That’s when it hits her. Jake’s not able to put it into words, but she knows why he’s feeling so insecure.

“I seemed manipulative to you,” she says, looking him in the eye. “And unlike a few years ago, it wasn’t a spur-of-the-moment decision or something. This was an actual plan that I agreed to without thinking. It messed with your very real, very vulnerable feelings, and you have every right to be pissed at me. I’m so sorry.”

To her surprise, Jake smiles at this, and reaches over to take her hand. “Yeah, I’m a little hurt, but it would take a lot more to manipulate me, Ames,” he says. “But this is still a really sensitive topic for me. Um, do you think we could just avoid discussing it so concretely, at least until we start trying? And that will be soon, I promise.”

Amy hates this. She hates that the day in the hospital played out like it did, that she took things too far today, that she’s been on edge for so long that every time they try and discuss their future, she fucks it up somehow. Worst of all, she hates what all of this is doing to Jake and his confidence.

_(she remembers a hand squeeze, a soft smile, and things being okay again.)_

“No, of course. Whenever we’re both ready. And I promise, the next time I hand you a positive test, it will be ‘for realz,’” she responds. There’s more that she needs to say, but for now, this is the reassurance that he needs.

Jake’s smile widens, and the weight on Amy’s chest starts to mitigate a little. Suddenly, his grin becomes rather impish, which, as Amy knows from experience, can’t mean anything good.

“Babe, what are you thinking about?” she asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh, just that there’s only, like, six months until the next heist, and you’ve probably not even started planning yet,” Jake says.

“Excuse you, there’s actually only five months and 25 days, and I started preparing four hours ago,” Amy shoots back.

Both she and Jake start openly laughing at this. Internally, Amy makes a promise to herself – the next heist is just going to be pure, unproblematic _fun_ , and she’s going to beat the crap out of everyone else.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I'm on tumblr as exploding-snapple if you want to talk/send prompts/etc


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